The Rules for Alpha Geeks

Someone asked me for my uninformed opinion on dating and that got the amateur sociologist in me interested in what the answer was. After reading Jezebel and The Rules, along the way I realized that, like politics, dating is local. There isn’t any good general advice or analysis without knowing in detail all about the relevant parties. Instead, I shall present THE RULES for Alpha Geeks.

1. The first rule is that you never talk about the Rules. You will be teased incessantly and get wedges from your coworkers.
2. The second rule is that you never talk about the Rules. Now stop skimming my blog and pay attention, I’m trying to help you here.
3. If someone says “stop” or goes limp, taps out … that is a really bad sign. Check you spam folder for assistance, or pick a more creative safe word.
4. Always check to see if you are brother and sister.
5. Check to see if she’s an alien.
6. If she is an alien, you probably can’t really have kids, so if she is an alien or xenomorph and starts talking about kids, run!
7. Never hurt, harm or abuser her. Unless she’s Alice from Resident Evil, in which case there’s plenty of replacements. And you might want to get some T-Virus and carefully plan the strategy and tactics of any abuse or you’ll get your ass kicked.
8. Slave Leia Binikis are appropriate gifts only for Valentines and only if you know her exact bra size.
9. Don’t spend to much time looking for love. The Bene Gesserit will find you, be patient.

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