Dating and Cats

Recently I heard a girl discussion dating deal breakers and said a guy owning a cat was a deal breaker. (!)

Just because 36 year signle old women buy four cats a substitute or a psychological preventive to forming a family doesn’t mean that men buy cat’s to fufil their maternal instincts.

For your information, the cat is a much more a macho beast than given popularly credit. Speaking genetically, there is not a lot of difference among the wild cat, tiger and domestic cat. They are all stealthy, blood thirsty hunters that prey on the weak, the sick and anything smaller than themselves. You may think that your cat is friendly because you are a substitute mother, in fact, your cat merely has decided you are too big to take down.

Which doesn’t stop my cat from trying.

Week In Review

Danced Salsa, Sat Zen, Sat Vipassana, Sat around the camp fire, visited family and went to a potluck. Plus work & stuff. And I wonder why I’m tired. Not that I’m complaining.

I’m listening to a book call “Never eat lunch alone.” I’ve already noticed how inefficient I am at socializing. I forget people’s names, I don’t arrange times to see them again, I don’t have anything in particular in mind to offer people and I don’t have anything in particular in mind that I want to get.

I’ve started by just couting how many times I could have connected with someone and how many times I actually connected.

I’m also working on fixing my conversational style. I love factoids. To me, a conversation is an exchange of facinating factoids. Better conversationalists, for my purposes are those who can generate new and interesting factoids while talking.

I won’t talk about emotions, because, typically, my emotions are only some of the time full of confidence, joy and so forth. Probably like everyone, my emotions are a lot of blah, fear, sleepiness, and sometimes confidence and joy.

When talking to women, apparently, they want to hear about this emotion stuff, so I’m working on strategies to convey emotion–but without souding to harsh on myself either.

After all, I’m in the middle of limerance and I’m please to say that as of right now, despite all rational evaluation of the evidence, I’m full of hope, confidence, and joy.

Craigslist Vague Warnings…

This craiglist post is warning about some guy’s that’s going to Iceland.

Guy going to ICELAND

Watch out for him…he is trouble!!! and I know this personally. Not worth your time or effort. “

Gee, I’m going to Iceland. I don’t know who this person is, but they got their facts all wrong. I’m anti-trouble, I solve problems, I’m an asset. Not only am I worth your time and effort, but I worth double your time and effort.

(I keep reading, appears they were talking about someone else)

If the Buddha Dated

If the Buddha dated, well, he wouldn’t. He recommended people to renounce the life of a family man. After starting the family life the Buddha himself left behind his wife and son–racking up considerable child support debts in the process. But if he did date, he’d probably exemplify his favorite themes.

Compasion. Everyone lives in samsara, a world that isn’t all it could be. A girls life is going to have miseries peculiar to girls, and individuals are going to have sorrows peculiar to their own life. Feel their pain and from it, right action follows.

Equanimity. Dating is a long series of rejections and romantic love is a long series of relationships that don’t work out. Dating is also the heigth of bliss, happiness and the promise of a life time of joy. Desiring someone so much that you burn isn’t the way and neither is being consumed by fear of rejection or the pain of actually being rejected. There is such a thing as too much feedback. You are creating this feedback in your mind to goad yourself to higher levels of desire before and self rejection after a failed attempt.

Equanimity in a successful relationship is not being consumed with the fear of loss. Likewise, it isn’t such a good idea to adore a girl to the point that they can’t live up to a role like that.

Somewhere in the middle is the middle path. Cultivate equanimity towards the forming and continuation of relationships.

Mindfulness. Be mindful of what happens all the time. The Buddha would feel the sensations of a relationship. Feel the sweaty palmed adrenaline rush of fear and panic as you risk asking her out on a date. Absorb the sensations of that good mood you get about two weeks after you meet someone that your mind responds to. If the Buddha dated, he’d certainly have moments of doubt, that would provide incredible contrasting moods to what he’d just been feeling.

Compassion, dictionary wise is feeling other people’s pain. You can feel the pain of a stranger, it’s easy. I think the Buddha would probably also really get to know his girlfriend and have a sense of sympathy for the full range of experience and from this would follow all the right actions–knowing when to stay, when to leave and when to step aside.

Number One Pariah

Damn, I’ve outlived my knees, I’ve out lived my relationships. I don’t have regrets. Show me a 30 year old man who was content to be a batchelor and I’ll show you someone who sold themselves short. I’ve got a world of choices and I’m living in good faith. I’m not going to build artificial barriers to keeping from living a life I’d regret not living.

I’d be dumb for you
I’d be dumb for you
It’s dumb to walk away just to be with you
To renounce what could be mine

I will sit for you
I will sit for you
I will deny my soul for something pure and true
Only one like you

See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time that I’m talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored

I will wait for you
I’d make room for you
I’d sail ships for you
To be close to you
To be part of you
Cause I believe in you
I believe in you

(heavily modified– Garbage would do a lot more stupid things than I would. I mean, just because you have a crush on someone one doesn’t mean you should be stupid, and besides, feats of stupidity that put distance between between prospective friends don’t exactly accomplish the goal at hand.)

The humours of the mind

Pop science says right now I feel the effects of phenylethylamine. My symptoms: a surge of confidence, optimism and cheerfulness. Also really volatile mood swings, but mostly in the upper range. Other symptoms include distraction, preoccupation, a dreamy quality to reality, the desire to do creative stuff.

Having sense my humours, I now officially have a sense of humor, so I it only follows I should get out and put it to good use.

Alone with others

“I walk alone

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I feel everyone out there inside me
‘Til home I walk alone

I walk alone.”

Went to River Road again. I sat–since I was late, I sat in the hallway, initially alone, so it was kind of ironic that I’d showed up to sit with others instead of sitting alone, then I end up sitting for a while with a physical wall between me and everyone else.

This Friday I’m off to an WBPF event. Tomorrow I’m not sure, I might just do taxes and crap like that.

On one hand, I’m just chuffed at how well I’m doing, compared to a few years ago–financially stable, comptent in my field, I regularly make an effort to connect with people in the community. On the other hand, right now, I’m alone.

So now, I work on equanimity.


Strangers in the night exchanging glances
Wond’ring in the night
What were the chances we’d be sharing love (Hmm, p(x) = ax1 + bx2 …)
Before the night was through.

Something in your eyes was so inviting,
Something in you smile was so exciting,
Something in my heart,
Told me I must have you.