The Rules for Alpha Geeks

Someone asked me for my uninformed opinion on dating and that got the amateur sociologist in me interested in what the answer was. After reading Jezebel and The Rules, along the way I realized that, like politics, dating is local. There isn’t any good general advice or analysis without knowing in detail all about the relevant parties. Instead, I shall present THE RULES for Alpha Geeks.

1. The first rule is that you never talk about the Rules. You will be teased incessantly and get wedges from your coworkers.
2. The second rule is that you never talk about the Rules. Now stop skimming my blog and pay attention, I’m trying to help you here.
3. If someone says “stop” or goes limp, taps out … that is a really bad sign. Check you spam folder for assistance, or pick a more creative safe word.
4. Always check to see if you are brother and sister.
5. Check to see if she’s an alien.
6. If she is an alien, you probably can’t really have kids, so if she is an alien or xenomorph and starts talking about kids, run!
7. Never hurt, harm or abuser her. Unless she’s Alice from Resident Evil, in which case there’s plenty of replacements. And you might want to get some T-Virus and carefully plan the strategy and tactics of any abuse or you’ll get your ass kicked.
8. Slave Leia Binikis are appropriate gifts only for Valentines and only if you know her exact bra size.
9. Don’t spend to much time looking for love. The Bene Gesserit will find you, be patient.

Rules of Bullshitting

Just like boxing and fight club, rules are handy to have and would be handy in bullshit debates.  These are informal debates conducted with information off the top of one’s head without taking time to consult google.  For example,

Proposition: “If a significant % of the citizens of countries that did not sign the Kyoto Treaty became vegetarians, maybe they could offset their carbon enough to make up for the obligations they would have had under the treaty.” The reasoning is that animal husbandry and the energy used to enable it put a lot of carbon and other green house gasses into the atmosphere.

My BS retort, was, “Well, in most poor and middle income countries, omnivores aren’t eating a lot of meat cause they can’t afford it.”  (Not saying that it was a bad idea, just saying the magnitudes sound off)

Response, “That’s interesting but irrelevant”

So trying to be polite, I say “Well, maybe I’m not following because I don’t know who didn’t sign on with Kyoto”

Google says, everyone in the world except the US, Australia and Kazakhastan have signed on.  The third world countries have signed on, but don’t have to follow the rules, namely India, China, Brazil, so my remark was entirely relevant.  If we exclude India, China and Brazil, then really we are speculating if the US could offset it’s carbon by not eating cows or so many of them.  Again, it’s a good idea, but the magnitudes sound off.  Could India, China and Brazil offset their carbon by becoming vegetarians?  Well Indians are mostly vegetarians, many Chinese and Brazilians are ‘economic’ vegetarians, meaning they put meat into everything, but can’t afford a lot of it.  Giving up what little meat they currently eat probably wouldn’t offset the new coal burning electric plants being built there– but I’m doing BS estimates.

Maybe if BS contests were to be resolved by arm wrestling at conversational impasses, or if each participant is allowed to make up one fact on the spot.

Pharmomusicology

To Induce Depression

The Cure’s music (except the 10 happy songs)

To Cure Depression

The Cure’s 10 happy songs

To Cure Attention Deficit Disorder

[I'm going to have to finish this later, my RSS feed is calling]

Dilbert Comic

Dilbert: Sometimes I feel as if my life is nothing but moving things from one place to another. I’ve decided to seek a deeper connection with others to cure my emptiness.

Dogbert: Blah, blah, blah.

Dilbert: Maybe I’m doing it wrong.

(Scott Adams, Oct 17, 2006)

Meet Mr. Waffle

Meet Mr Waffle
Belgiums famous waffle
Chew ‘em up, none to waste
Appreciate the taste

Before there was IHOP
Before there was HOP
Mr Waffle lived at Whole Foods next to the rice
Mr Waffle was transformed
We all gathered round
Stood with our plates so we could be the first

To eat Mr Waffle
Begiums famous Waffle
Raise a glass and sit and chew
Understand the goo

He lost all is limbs
He didn’t need his limbs
He lived at Whole Foods and was expenstive, that too
The world has forgotten
The world moved along
The crowd in the kitchen went off to their schools

Meet Mr Waffle
Eat Mr Waffle
Belgium’s famous waffle
Eat him up, none to waste
Appreciate the taste

Joke

I switched to decaf. At 2mg of caffeine per cup, it’s gotta be better for my health. And after the 50th cup of the morning, I feel great!

Shopping Online While Drunk

There really was an article about shopping drunk in the New York Times. There must be a way to capitalize on people’s willingness to make bad decisions under the influence. I’m thinking, maybe web terminals in bars, with the homepage set to Amazon.com.

Jokes

I was at the library and saw a book, “Coping with Aphasia.” I imagined the patron saying, “I’m looking for this book about, um, uh, it’s um, I can’t remember the word”

People are getting rude now adays. I was asking “What is a rhetorical question?” I never got an answer.